Not every loss can be transformed into something useful. The reality of grief is different from what others see or guess from the outside. Platitudes and pat explanations will not work here. There is not a reason for everything. Things happen that do not have a silver lining. We have to start telling the truth about this kind of pain. About grief, about love, about loss. Because the truth is, in one way or another, loving each other means losing each other. Being alive in such a fleeting, tenuous world is hard. Our hearts get broken in ways that can’t be fixed. There is pain that becomes an immovable part of our lives. We need to know how to endure that, how to care for ourselves inside that, how to care for one another. We need to know how to live here, where life as we know it can change, forever, at any time. We need to start talking about that reality of life, which is also the reality of love. Your survival in this life post-loss won’t follow steps or stages, or align with anyone else’s vision of what life might be for you. Survival won’t be found, can’t be found, in easy answers or in putting your lost life behind you, pretending you didn’t really want it anyway. In order to survive, to find that life that feels authentic and true to you, we have to start with telling the truth. This really is as bad as you think. Everything really is as wrong, and as bizarre, as you know it to be. When we start there, we can begin to talk about living with grief, living inside the love that remains. Credit: Refuge In Grief #widowswishfoundation #widowthrive #suicidewidow #tenyearsafter #gonenotforgotten #loss #lifeafterloss #ptsd #suicide #Trauma #grieving #dichotomy #lossisloss #thrivingnotjustsurviving (fb)

For all the friends and family who stop asking.... Yes, we still miss him. Always will. Yes, his kids still lost their dad, and that is forever. Yes, we'd LOVE to hear your stories and remember him with laughter, but you've long since stopped bringing him up because it makes you feel more comfortable to forget. No, we haven't moved on, but we have moved forward. We started moving forward immediately....we had no other choice. Yes, I will forever love him all while loving someone new. People are not replaceable, and love is not mutually exclusive. The heart is capable of amazing love...especially after loss. Yes, the grief comes in waves even years later. We don't look for it or expect it but happy and sad moments lead the tsunami of emotions to our shores. Life after loss is full of duality. No, talking about him does not make me stuck, it makes me human. I talk about him because for 15 years he was the most important part of my life, he made me a mother, and he will forever be part of my story. Yes, I think our culture is repressive and stunted. When we go through loss, we morph into a new soul, full of enlightenment and painful growth. I am not required or obligated to grieve on your terms. My life, my loss, my rules. Yes, I'm sad you don't reach out more, say his name or ask how his kids are doing. Yes, I've made the choice to LIVE this life and boldly move forward while carefully honoring my past...that decision has neither been easy nor has it been readily accepted. No, I wouldn't wish my pain on my worst enemy, but I would wish my perspective on the world. Credit: One Fit Widow #widowswishfoundation #widowthrive #lifeafterloss #gonenotforgotten #suicide #suicidewidow #ptsd #trauma #loss #tenyearsafter (fb)