When people think about the NICU, they picture a place. A hospital ward with isolettes and monitors and tiny hand-knit hats. They picture a place you can go to, and a place you can leave. But, for many NICU moms, the NICU is more than a place. It is a part of you. One minute, you’re helping wash dishes in a family member’s kitchen, listening to their latest story as you squirt soap onto the sponge, and the next you are back in front of that narrow hospital sink, pump parts arranged to dry atop a layer of paper-thin napkin, the scent of dish soap clinging to your skin. One minute, you’re looking to update the ringtone for your alarm on your cell phone, half-listening as you tap through the options, and the next you’re back in bed, trapped somewhere between sleep and panic, rushing to answer the NICU’s 2 AM call. One minute you’re standing in line at a to-go restaurant, reading the menu and considering what to order, and the next the kitchen timer beeps in an all-too familiar rhythm. Your heart is racing with panic, adrenaline surging through your veins as you’re suddenly back in the NICU. The Brady alarm is blaring. Nurses are rushing in, taking their places, each with a task to do…while you stand out of the way, hand on your chest, helpless and, somehow, alone. NICU Mama, if you find yourself struggling with sensory triggers, know this: you are not broken. Your brain is remarkable. It is always on alert, searching for signs of danger, for hints that familiar trauma may be lurking nearby. Its intention is to save you from heartbreak, to keep you safe…but it's imperfect. A specific smell or sound or place can send it reeling, triggering a rush of memory from deep within your body, visceral and overwhelming. It can feel like you are at the trauma’s mercy, a boat without a sail being tossed from wave to wave. But, remember, NICU Mama: your brain is ever-changing. You are ever-changing, always evolving, growing and healing. Seek out experts who can teach you to soothe your nervous system. Grant yourself grace as you process your journey and find what works best for you. And know that your NICU sisters see you. We stand with you. You do not have to heal on your own. #dearnicumama (fb)

We talk often about the unique relationship many NICU mamas have with their postpartum bodies. For preemie NICU mamas, it can look like a relationship mixed with gratitude that it was their baby’s first home, and grief that it couldn’t carry their baby full term. For full-term NICU mamas, it can look like a relationship mixed with gratitude that their body was able to carry them full-term, but grief that it wasn’t enough to sustain them immediately after birth. So sweet mama, tonight we want to remind you that your body did absolutely everything it could to not only protect your baby, but also to protect you. You are a survivor. Often times in an emergency delivery, the delivery not only saves the baby but it also saves the mother. And when we take a step back, we can see that your body was using all of its resources to try and protect the both of you - both during and after birth. 💕 We know it’s so hard to believe it now, but your body is not against you. We also know it doesn’t always come natural to thank our bodies and our wombs for what it did during pregnancy. Especially if we are still learning how to speak kindly and compassionately to ourselves. So as a starting point, here is a gentle exercise: Place your hand on your heart or if you are comfortable, on your womb, and say something like: “Thank you for being my baby’s first home. I know we may have a long ways to go before we are at total peace with each other, but I want to say that I’m sorry for blaming you. I realize that you were not only trying to protect my baby, but you were also trying to protect me. I recognize today that we survived and for that I am grateful. Today I commit to learning how to speak compassionately and kindly to you. We are on the same team.” As you heal and as you grow, just remember that you are never alone. Your body did not fail. 💕 #dearnicumama #preeclampsiaawarenessday (fb)